Chapter 5: Lopsided Affinity

Just after all these complications, I wanted to tranquil myself. I for once sought to give my anxieties a gamble. I had a crush on this girl. Whenever I contemplated her, she held my gaze steadily, impassive. I used to have my heartbeat quickened, and my face flushed. Why does she had such an unnerving effect on me? Her overwhelming good-looks maybe? The way her eyes blazed at me? I was confounded and heated by her steady gaze.

No other girl had ever affected me the way she did, and I cannot fathom why. Was it her striking looks? Her meek nature maybe? I didn’t understand my irrational reaction. I valiantly attempted to calm down and gathered my thoughts but, it was too grim for me. Every single time I saw her, some involuntary shiver ran down my spine.

But I guess the odds weren’t in my favour, again. And all that time, I made my self believe that she didn’t know about this. But I guess I was wrong about it, about myself, and most probably about her. I somehow ended up disturbing her. She wasn’t comfortable with my responses. And she knew. She knew that I was interested in her but still she didn’t even bother. She ignored. Once, again and again. I fell. I fell for her that I can’t even explain why I was attracted towards her. I just can’t explain the force which heaved me towards her. I just can’t. I mean, it was something; intense.

I so badly wanted to talk to her but I guess I didn’t have the guts to go to her and tell her that I was interested. Though, I sent her a friend request on some kind of social media or shall I say Facebook. I, once again let myself believe that there was still some chance of making her talk to me. But I guess there weren’t, even though I for a one single whole day made myself believe that she haven’t seen my request but once again and for all I was wrong. She knew. She knew all the time, moreover she saw, she felt and she ignored. I only had one option. To back off. That’s what I did. I remember it was my farewell and I decided to give her a farewell too. So I decided and made myself crystal clear that she weren’t interested in me and she didn’t even want me. Perhaps I should let her go. But I wish I was in the right place in the right time.


Chapter 4: The Quintessential Part

Look after my heart – I’ve left it with you. Everyone once in a life time yearns for being treated like the most important living being. I still recall each and every single detail. It’s like everything is in front of me. I would label these ticks as the utmost exquisite instants of my life. And this chapter is going to be the inmost and the eloquent one.

Then this girl happened or shall I say “the one”. For whom I almost left everyone. Together, we initiated a chitchat. Well, let me tell you one thing I essentially liked the other one, but unfortunately or shall I say fortunately I ended up, adoring her. I don’t know what it was and I just can’t express that irresistible force or fascination which heaved me towards her. And finally, I was ready to willingly accept all the responsibilities and duties that accompanied loving her.

Academy was all that made it happen. It all started with a poke on Facebook. With limited chitchats, it all altered into unending conversations.

We fell. We fell, so deep in love that, both of our lives were twisted into a single strand. Cut one, and you cut both. If she were gone, I wouldn’t be able to live through that. If I were gone, she wouldn’t live through it, either. That friendship turned into adoration.

I was so proud to call her “My Girl” in open. She became the apple of my eye, the sun to my morning and the moon to my night. The very instant I first touched her, I felt butterflies drifting through my body. I felt my heart beating, like a lightning bolt. As our fingers touched, I felt an odd exhilarating shiver ran through me. I blinked rapidly, my eyelids matched my heart rate. We began to converge. I started trusting her instinctively and I can say this with pride that she didn’t break it either.

Beside some ups and downs. She always came back. She always became the most quintessential part of my life. I always highlighted her throughout my utmost imperative junctures. No matter what came. I kept on hauling myself into her. I was falling,  irrevocably and irretrievably in love with her. Perhaps she was also in the same state. Every time I saw her I was momentarily paralysed.

We both always knew from the start, that it was going to be very tough; finding ourselves waking up next to each other in the future. But still we had a hope. And we never lost it, till the day came when her parents decided to marry her.

She was all in tears. But still, we both stood by side for each other. I told my parents about her. And somehow managed to mollify them. I was happy and much excited. I told her that my parents are ready. She also somehow told her mother about me and all the stuff. But, I guess the odds weren’t in our favour. Her mother declined. She didn’t want to talk to any single member of my family just because of some imprudent caste issue.

I was always conscientious about her. I would have given up anything just to make her mine. And trust me. I actually did. But we both were destined somewhere else. Or at least this is what, that makes me accept as true, that I will be better without her. I always wanted her to wake up next to me. I always wanted her to kiss me goodnight, to kiss me good morning. But the chances weren’t in our favour. I would have loved, to make her a part of my family. But I guess. Something else was destined. I can remember myself imagining her in almost every single instant of my life. I adored her. I preserved her like a princess. I always tried to never let her feel that she is alone or that she is missing something.

It’s amazing how the unexpected can take your life and change direction. I from my side gave her to my fullest. And then I lost my despond. Because she didn’t have the guts to take a stand for me, to stand for herself or to stand against her father. I could’ve reached out to her, told her everything was going to be okay, but I didn’t and she didn’t either, instead we laid inches away from each other with miles between us.

Chapter 3: Skepticism

I tried to be diplomatic, but mostly I just lied a lot. I was much spoiled already so I decided to do something about it. I asked my friend to hook me up with some girl. He somehow, struggled and managed to set his girl’s; friend up with me. He asked her if she wishes to talk to me. Well, I would ponder this fluke by chance, she agreed. And then he told me that she wants to talk to me and she’s asking for my number. Why would I even deny her? I repeatedly texted him my number and asked him to forward it to her.

The sun was up and I was more awake than I have ever been in a long time and for once I was going to do something about it.  I woke up with a text; “hey”. I restlessly retorted back. And this is how we initiated chatter. I have had scarcely observed her in the academy, formerly all of this.

We began to sit next to each other. We’ve had our fun. She started having feelings for me. But, I guess at that time I wasn’t even sure about what I actually sought from her. Well, somehow we continued our chats. She was all head over heels into me. She wanted me to have her talk to my sister but I guess I wasn’t ready for that, so I kept on stalling her.

I, by some means managed the situation. Every single time I bled, she plainly blubbered. Well, that was warming. She was friend with two of my friend’s aficionados. I still remember that one time when, all six of us assembled next to each other, that was some hell of a diurnal. We use to have late night banters. The time passed and I started talking to another girl, even I was kind of in a relationship with the previous one. She came to know about all of this and she left me, though I wasn’t much serious about her but still that miffed.


Chapter 2: Intervening

I did a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory. Then I entered into the intermediate stage and joined an academy. There I met a girl. Well, I don’t know what clicked my mind, but she was something. Well, once again I, myself along with my bestie had the same crush over the same girl. We both sent her a friend request and waited for her to decide whom she want. We waited. And then she accepted both of ours.

We were mixed up with diverse thoughts, well we again decided to let her choose. After some hours she unfriended him. And the very same time she did that, he called me. And told me that he was unfriended. I was vexed, what If I am unfriended too? I held the phone, while swiftly checking my account and I was dazed to know that she didn’t unfriended me. Well, just like a normal person, I wanted to make him jealous, so I told him about this. He was stunned as well as concerted. He said ‘what!’? But why. At one fell swoop, she texted me and I hung up on him and began to talk.

As long as we talked, she came closer to me and I still haven’t had found the reason why I was even having conversations with her. Well she was into me and I was still muddled. Somehow I knew that I was certain to break my walls and let her in. We have had countless heart-to-hearts and use to gaze each other during academic hours. I felt that something was off beam and yes, it was the time I realized that I was starting to have feelings for her. I never bothered much but I also never cared less. As I lately had gone through a very depraved time, so it was really hard for me to trust someone and I was much startled. Come hell or high water, things reformed and I was pretty contented.

Whilst she became a very devoted friend to me. And we used to talk late. She was kind of soul mate to me. Both of ours, practices and ways were virtually same. I, in a way relished those moments. I adored talking to her. She became very possessive of me. She was all intoxicated loving me.

I know love and lust don’t always keep the same company. I embittered her, hurt her so bad in so many different ways. Well I can’t say much about her but she was always there for me when on earth I needed her, above and beyond all the things I did to her. Sometimes, there isn’t any way to compromise. As they say; one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

A Thousand Crushes

Chapter 1 : The Commencement

I am just an ordinary person or maybe a little bit different, well artist by passion. I am that kind of person who has a “graveyard in his mouth filled with words that had died on his lips”. And now I am primed to put them into letters.

It all started way back when I was in school. I was most probably in my 5th. Like others, I was just the same, a fun child. Well, I should skip my other particulars as they were pretty same like the normal ones. I am also blessed with a best friend and I feel proud to say that we still are. We both had our first crushes together in the same class. And I still remember myself, making sketches of some ordinary girl. Well, I forgot to tell that he was the blunt one and I was a bit shy then.

Once we were playing in the ground and he told that girl that I made her a sketch, and I was filled with anger towards him but I was also amazed to see her response which was like” OK, so what? ”. Well that doesn’t actually bothered me because I actually didn’t like her.

The time passed and at this instant, I don’t want to use this phrase but I am afraid I have to, you all know that bullshit “love at first sight” well it kind of happened, with a blink of my eye. And here she was; my actual crush and guess what, both of us had a crush over the same girl and yes, over the same feature; her hair. Well at first I actually didn’t see her face but I was fascinated towards her long straight glowing hair. I use to sneak out just to see a glimpse of her. The time moved, we had our interactions, and at that time I didn’t even have the guts to go to her and ask her if she was interested even a little bit. But after a coon’s age, I pulled my effrontery together and decided to step forward.

Somehow I managed to get her ID and texted her. I don’t know whether I should call it a triumph or some synchronism, she was on-line at that very same time and she replied the very moment she received my text. And her reply was “Are you the one with coloured eyes”, where I told her; yes I actually am and she was like “you got to be kidding me”, “prove yourself. Then I sent her my picture and she secured it. It was some enduring moment. With the elapse of time, our chats turned into addiction.

As long as the duration of our talks increased she became irresistible to stay away from. Our interactions improved and again the time passed. But then she left /me over some ineffectual reason. And I was there, left heart broken. I went through depression. By hook or crook, my friends helped me walk through it. It was really hard time for me and I was suffering from mass agony. However, I still haven’t recovered from this phase, so I texted her over and over, but all I got in return was ignorance and bewilderment. Then after some months she managed to text me, apologizing she said that she was under stress and all that. But I, somehow managed to overlook her while being stone hearted.